Rethinking Competence: Challenging Our Inner Voice

Sep 19, 2024

There’s a quiet voice that many of us carry that shows up uninvited — a voice that questions whether we’re truly competent, whether we’re really good enough. This can happen in moments where we feel vulnerable, like when trying something new or when we make a mistake, that voice can become loud and harsh, telling us we’ve fallen short or that others are silently judging us.

This idea of competence — the standard we compare ourselves to — can often be more rigid and unforgiving than we realise. What’s interesting, though, is that while we’re busy criticising ourselves, others may not see us in that light at all. In fact, they may perceive us as capable and even thriving, while we’re stuck focusing on our perceived shortfalls.

The question becomes: How can we challenge our idea of competence, especially as we grow more experienced and mature in our roles? And how can we shift our perspective to realise that others aren’t judging us nearly as harshly as we’re judging ourselves?

Why We Judge Ourselves So Harshly

The root of self-criticism often comes from deeply ingrained beliefs about what it means to be competent. These beliefs can be shaped by:

Setting the bar high.  Many of us equate competence with a standard of excellence. We believe that being competent means making no mistakes, always knowing the answer, and never showing weakness. When we inevitably fall short of these impossible standards, we judge ourselves harshly, labeling any misstep as incompetence.

Imposter syndrome: Especially in high-achieving environments, many professionals experience imposter syndrome—the feeling that they’re not really as capable as others think they are. This leads to an internal pressure to constantly prove ourselves, and any perceived failure feeds into the belief that we’re not truly competent.

Comparing ourselves to others: It’s easy to look around and assume that everyone else has it all together. We compare our internal struggles to the polished external appearances of others. In doing so, we overlook the fact that everyone has their own insecurities, challenges, and moments of doubt.

Fear of judgment: We often believe that others are scrutinising our every move, ready to judge us for any mistake. This fear of judgment fuels our self-criticism, making us hyper-aware of our perceived shortcomings. However, the reality is that most people are focused on their own work and challenges, not on finding fault with us.

Evolving Our Idea of Competence

As we gain more experience and maturity in our roles, it’s important to challenge and evolve our definition of competence. The version of competence we held early in our careers might not serve us well as we take on more responsibilities and continue on our leadership journey. So, how do we begin to shift our perspective?

  1. Redefine Competence as Growth, Not Perfection: True competence isn’t about having all the answers all of the time. It’s about continuous learning, adaptability, and resilience. Recognise that mistakes are part of the growth process and don’t reflect your overall competence. Most of us would say the ability to learn from mistakes and improve is a sign of a highly competent professional.
  2. Acknowledge Your Accomplishments: Self-criticism tends to overshadow our achievements. Take time to reflect on how far you’ve come, the challenges you’ve overcome, and the skills you’ve developed along the way. Making a habit of acknowledging your successes can help balance the inner narrative that focuses only on shortcomings.
  3. Embrace Vulnerability as Strength: It’s easy to think that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness or incompetence. But being open about your uncertainties or areas where you’re still learning is not only human, it’s powerful. It supports trust and collaboration, showing others that you’re honest, self-aware, and willing to grow.
  4. Seek Feedback to Gain Perspective: Sometimes we’re our own worst critics, and our internal judgments aren’t aligned with reality. Seeking feedback from colleagues, supervisors, or mentors can provide valuable insights into how others perceive your work. Use this feedback to challenge your self-talk.
  5. What would you say if it was someone else? Step outside yourself and look at the areas where you feel you are not meeting your competent standard.  If you were observing someone else, what would you be telling them?  I bet the message would be a lot more positive!

As we mature in our roles and gain more experience, it’s important to challenge the often-unrealistic standards we hold ourselves to. Competence isn’t about being having all the answers. It’s about growing, adapting, and navigating challenges with resilience. By shifting our perspective, we can approach our work with more confidence, authenticity, and clarity.

Competence isn’t a fixed state. It’s an evolving journey—and the more we embrace that journey, the more competent we really become.

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