If you are still using “the sandwich” to deliver constructive feedback, read on to learn a better way that gets results

How do you structure your constructive feedback? 

This can be a hard one to get right.  Its easy to come up with a formula that you think works (I’m looking at you the negative sandwiched in between two positives).  What is that formula really based on?

Last week I shared with you the ratio of positive to negative feedback based on the rule of thumb in the Power of Bad.  This week I’m sharing with you the all important sequence of positive and constructive points when delivering constructive feedback or having difficult conversations. 

Lets start with our brains which have evolved over thousands of years and have been conditioned to constantly be on the look out for bad or threats.  Even when things are going well we need to focus on the good to really appreciate it, but we never stop looking for bad.

The process that Power of Bad introduces is what is called retroactive interference.  When the brain receives good or bad news it undertakes a process to commit it to long term memory.  When good news is followed by bad news this process gets interrupted, the bad literally short circuits the good.  Its why starting with positive and then moving into the negative stuff is not always effective.  Instead, knowing this process, try this 3 step process:

1. Get the other persons perspective. Ask a question “what have you learned so far?” or “how do you think things are going?”  Starting with a question means the other person is not a passive audience, they are driving the conversation,
2. Once the problem is acknowledged you can confirm it with your observation,
3. Be specific, explain what the problem is, why it’s a problem and the impact it is having.

Engaging the person at the start of the conversation means you are not taking on the role of being the messenger delivering bad news.  Our first inclination when receiving bad news is the flight or fight response, most people either want to block it out, disagree or argue the finer points of what is being said.  But if the person acknowledges first that there is an issue, they are more able to face it whilst still being able to stay in the conversation.

If you are wondering about some other sequence strategies, this is what the research shows:

• Bad news followed by good news leaves the person less inclined to do the work to improve the problem areas,
• Bad news delivered last means the person was more eager for self-improvement,

A compromise is to include good feedback towards the end of the conversation with a reminder at the end of what needs to be improved or fixed.  There still needs to be a focus on the work that needs to be done.

That’s not to say don’t start with the positive feedback.  Some people will be more open to constructive feedback if you do start with some positive reinforcement but keep it short and don’t get stuck there.  It can seem ingenuine when it’s clear the objective of the conversation is to discuss a problem and you will only have to repeat it later.

Rather than going in with a set menu determined by you, give the other person an opportunity to choose where they want to start.  A good opening is “how do you think things are going?” and take it from there.

Knowing this before giving feedback is absolute gold.  Stop making the sandwich and try this out knowing there is a better way that is brain friendly and helps you to get real results.