Leadership That Makes People Feel, Not Just Do

Have you ever noticed how one genuine moment where a leader shares a personal story can cut through an entire room in a way that statistics or strategy slides never do? 

I saw it last week.  I was standing in a workshop, in a whole of organisation toolbox meeting, and the leader took pretty standard talking points (safety, standards, PPE, blah, blah, blah) and took a different route to reflect and share something deeply personal.  He doesn’t often share in that way, and my take is that’s part of the reason why it landed so well.  In that moment the leader and the people both leaned in. You could feel the shift.

Neuroscience tells us when a leader shares from the heart, our brains release oxytocin, the chemical that builds trust and connection, and that’s why this happens.  It wakes up the parts of our brain that respond to emotion and novelty, not just logic. This is why when we share something we truly care about and tap into that emotion, our story lingers long after routine information fades.

The impact doesn’t cease when the toolbox ends. This is why people remember a leader’s personal story years later, long after they’ve forgotten the safety stats or slide deck that often go along with it.

Vulnerable sharing from a leader isn’t just attention-grabbing, it creates the foundation for psychological safety. When leaders show it’s okay to be real, they create permission for others to do the same and take the kinds of interpersonal risks that make teams safer and stronger. It’s these moments of being human, not just bringing our corporate speak, where we tap into a whole other dialogue and tell a team: we care about each other (not just the job), you belong, your voice matters, and we want you to speak up.

As leaders we need to feel, not just do

One of the biggest challenges in our day to day can be tapping into the feeling part of ourselves, especially in the middle of constant busyness. If we’re racing from one meeting to the next, your brain is in task mode (get stuff done!), efficient, but not connected. To share from the heart, you need moments that slow you down and reconnect you with your own experiences. There are two simple but powerful ways to do this:

• Pause for perspective: Before a meeting or toolbox, take two minutes to reflect on a moment from your week where you felt challenged, proud, or surprised. Ask yourself: what’s the human story behind this? Naming and sharing this feeling with the “why” is the real-life moments that will connect more than the pre-prepared slides.
• Check your state: This is a great habit to get into.  If you walk into a room tense and distracted, it’s hard to connect. Try a short check in with self, three deep breaths, or writing down one word that captures how you’re feeling (feeling wheels are great for this), before you speak. This small act shifts your brain out of “what do I need to do” and into a more authentic, present state.

When we do this, we move from just communicating tasks to sparking connection. Because in leadership, it’s not enough for people to simply do the work, we want them to feel something: valued, trusted, and safe to contribute.

How leaders can share in ways that connect

Personal sharing doesn’t mean leaders need to reveal every detail of their private lives (this is normally a deterrent!). It’s about choosing the moments that are purposeful, authentic, and related to the work. A few ways to do this:

• Link it to the message: Share a short personal story that illustrates the theme of the meeting, whether that’s safety, teamwork, overcoming a failure or resilience.
• Keep it real: Vulnerability means honesty, not perfection. A story about a time you struggled, learned, or even made a mistake will resonate far more than a polished one.
• Make it rare and meaningful: If you share this way all the time, it loses impact. Save personal stories for moments where you want to truly connect, shift perspective, or inspire action.

The human edge of leadership

In industries driven by data, systems, and risk management, it’s easy to believe that logic is what persuades people or influences their actions and choices. But our brains are wired for connection, and connection is built through stories and commonality. When we occasionally step out from behind the corporate speak and share something human, we not only grab attention, we also create safer, stronger, and more connected teams.

And most importantly, we remind the people around us that leadership is not just about what gets done, but about how people feel as they do it.